1/3 There

 

It’s been over 4 months since I’ve addressed the TTC issue. There have been times where I’ve thought maybe I’d give an update, but really, I had nothing to update so I didn’t. But I am beyond excited and grateful to God to say that, five tests later (four at-home and one blood test for good measure) I got my BFP(s)!!! Update—took an additional 8 pee sticks and 2 quantitative HCG (per my dr’s request---it’s a Clomid thing) test and all said the exact same thing..PREGNANT, DEFINITELY PREGNANT, EXTREMELY PREGNANT STOP TESTING!

 

Today is August 16 but if you’re reading this, it is probably mid October. I just wanted to get my thoughts down why they are still fresh in my mind.
The last four months have been the most difficult in my life. I’ve spent a large part of them crying and praying, asking God to please let me have another child. I’ve been disappointed, felt hopeless and helpless.
July was my fourth round on Clomid. The first month it worked great—my blood serum results showed my progesterone to be at 26. Good news! But I wasn’t pregnant. The second month the day before I started my round of Clomid I got extremely sick with the flu and, although the doctor said it probably wasn’t the reason (I disagree), it didn’t work and I didn’t ovulate. The third month I took 100mg of Clomid day 3-7 and estrogen days 8-12. Good news! My progesterone level was at 30 and the doctor said, and I quote, “there’s a good chance you’re pregnant.” Not good enough, although my period was a day and a half late (just late enough to give me false hope), it did arrive.
So here I was on my fourth month. I couldn’t believe it was taking me this long! But this month I changed my attitude. I said from the first day I started (in Costco, to add insult to injury), that this was the month I was going to get pregnant. I said I was going to believe I was pregnant until something told me otherwise. I jumped through a lot of hoops, drinking grapefruit juice and taking Robitussin a week before ovulation—both are supposed to help thin the mucus.
Parker and I even planned a little get away to a lodge up in Winthrop. We were excited to have a little one-on-one time with each other and planned to lay by the pool. Naturally it rained all day that day but we managed to soak in the hot tub for a bit while the rain took a break. The next morning, however, I happened to read a little something in one of my conception books that said that men should never get in the hot tub…it can ruin their sperm for up to three months! Are you kidding me?! At that point I had never felt so defeated! I just threw my hands up in the air and yelled “I give up!”
Nonetheless we kept trying and although I ovulated late (day 19), I did ovulate. My progesterone was at 12 but I reminded myself that I was only at 3 days past ovulation when I had my test this time and the other times I was at 6 days past. The doctor said it was still possible but when I told him Parker and I were going to Vegas in a couple weeks he said “I just bet you get pregnant in Vegas. My response was “I hope I’m pregnant now.”
But the feeling in my gut told me no. I wasn’t trying to be pessimistic, it was just my instinct. I had a hair appointment on Thursday (10 days past ovulation) and although I knew it was a bit early to test, I did any how and of course it was negative. I cried to my mom on the phone, deep sobs full of pain. That day I told Parker that if we only had Luke we would only have one child to buy a car for, one child to put through college. We would have more money for vacations.,m. I was finally accepting what seemed to be our fate.
That night something really strange happened. At about 10pm and again around midnight, I spotted a very light pink. It was there and gone. This had never happened before and I was still 6 days away from Aunt Flo’s faithful visit. Could this be implantation bleeding? It certainly sounded like it if I googled “pink spotting 10 days past ovulation.” Everything I read said if you spot day 10 test day 13. That day I thought to myself that if it isn’t, I simply didn’t know if I could try another month. I know others try for years but I was simply exhausted on all levels--mentally, emotionally and physically. The stress of this whole thing and my chronic disappointment and anxiety had truly taken its toll on both me and Parker—and our relationship.
2nd Corinthians 12:9 had been running through my head for over a week now. “My grace is sufficient. For my power is made perfect in weakness.”
“I’m weak Lord, I don’t know how I could be any weaker,” I prayed. Over and over and over I asked him to let this be the time. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t bear another month of wondering if the Clomid would work and wondering if I would get pregnant.
In the mean time, I was preparing for the long-awaited arrival of my parents. They would be here Sunday (13 days past ovulation, to be exact). That Sunday morning a little after 5am while Parker was in the shower, I snuck out of bed and took the only pregnancy test I had. It was digital so I would have nothing to decipher. I had debated on taking one because a big NOT PREGNANT had gotten almost unbearable to see. To my utter shock I looked down and it said in oh-so-easy to read English, PREGNANT. Shaking like a leaf I climbed back in bed but knew I wasn’t going back to sleep. I wanted to run to Parker and scream “I’m pregnant I’m pregnant!!” But I knew one test would impress him much and besides that, I had known for months how I wanted to surprise when the day finally came.
Luke and I got ready for church early so that we could drive in to town and pick up some more tests. The little grocery store only had two different ones available and neither were digital but I took them anyway. The lady that checked me out said “In case one doesn’t work?” I told her one already had but I just needed to make sure. On the way out she said to me “congratulations.” Congratulations…wow…yeah I think so.
So next thing there in am in the church bathroom spilling pee on both myself and the floor I’m so nervous. I put the wrappers back in my purse so no one found them in the trash. As I wait the three minutes for the results to appear I just hope that nobody walks in and hears me rustling around and breathing heavily in the stall. At 2.5 minutes I look. Two different tests with the same distinct results- 2 bright pink lines on each stick. I really am pregnant.
As much as I wanted to praise God, I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Parker that our prayer had finally been answered. When church let out we rushed home and Luke took Parker a picture he had colored that morning. When Parker unfolded it he read the words “I’m going to be a big BROTHER!”
I think he was as shocked as me. We got to surprise my parents too that afternoon when they arrived. We told them that Luke had made them something and they had to sit down and close their eyes. When they opened them Luke was standing there holding another picture with the same words. My mom’s first reaction was to ask me if I was sure. I told that after three positive tests I was pretty certain.

 

 

 

 

That didn’t stop me from testing again Monday morning (that too was an obvious positive) or from driving to Wenatchee to get a blood test. When my results finally arrived the girl on the phone asked “did you not believe all those tests you took?”
“So I’m pregnant?” was my response. “Yes, you are pregnant.” She was on speaker so she heard the cheering coming from us all.
When they say all pregnancies are different they aren’t kidding. I knew I was pregnant with Luke before I ever took a test. The painful boobs and back gave it away very early on and I had never even been pregnant before. This time, my only reason for testing was the spotting, otherwise I feel pretty normal.
God’s perfect plan is so incredibly perfect. He knows what he is doing. I waited a long time to hear His Yes so I intend to take comfort in knowing that my prayer has been answered and the timing couldn’t be any better. Our babies will be exactly 2.5 years apart. I got to surprise my parents the moment they arrived. If I had found out a day sooner I don’t think I could have kept if from them, if I had found out a day later, we wouldn’t have been able to surprise them the moment they arrived. Yes, He so knows what He is doing.
At my weakest of weak, God shined His perfect grace upon me and my family. I am so grateful. This trial he gave us had a purpose. My faith in Him has strengthened as a result and the power of prayer has been made even more obvious. I know that I had people praying for me that I didn’t even know about. I’ve learned so much.
Never be afraid to ask God for what you want.
Never be afraid to ask others to pray for you.
Be patient.
Trust in the Lord that his plan for you is a perfect one.
If you really want to get pregnant plan a trip to Vegas. We are going in less than a week and I will be 5 weeks along. I guess my Sin City adventure will be less sin and more sun and that is A-ok with me.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me through this whole ordeal. I never knew how hard this would be or how much it would take out of me. I am looking forward to closing this chapter of our life and beginning a new one.

 

8 Weeks

 

12 Weeks
Today (October 20) I'm over 13 weeks pregnant and I figured it was as good a day as any to tell everyone considering that any stranger on the street can take one look at me and tell I've got a bun in the oven:)